Alison "Nellie Oleson" Arngrim talks child stars, prisoners and genitals
by Martyn Dunn
As bitch-troll from hell Nellie Oleson on classic '70s TV show "Little House on the Prairie", Alison Arngrim was a breath of fresh air in the otherwise too-perfect American family show. After other roles on Dinner Theater and "The Love Boat", she languished in game show purgatory before bursting back onto the scene with stand-up comedy and movie roles, including "For the Love of May" with RuPaul. She is also a tireless AIDS charity worker (the actor who played her husband on the show died of AIDS) and a hilarious motormouth whose show "Confessions of a Prairie Bitch" is surely just the first of many New York engagements.
Alison, what've you been up to recently? Well, Little House was huge fun - I loved playing the bitch. But over the last couple of years, it seems to have become this underground cult phenomenon, and I started getting all these strange phone calls from promoters. I appeared on "Good Morning America" and a fake Survivor-style thing with lots of other ex-child stars. Let me tell you, Charlene Tilton is a sore loser!
What's your show about? It's about me! The title says it all really - I talk about what it was like working on the show and how to handle being a celebrity, especially a bitch celebrity. There's a question and answer session. People always come up to me after my shows and ask me stupid questions, so I decided to include it in the show.
What was your strangest stand-up experience? I did a show at the prison on Terminal Island in L.A. Encouraging name, isn't it? We were all very skittish, but a guy who did regular shows there told us not to worry. Then he went on and all we heard was him yelling "Fuck you!" at the top of his voice, and the crowd were all yelling back! That was our warm-up act! But the guys loved it - it was a running joke with them. This guy had gotten all their aggression and heckling out before we came on, so they were actually the most polite crowd I ever performed for.
Tell us more about your work with HIV charities. I was involved with HIV education in women's prisons in the '80s, which was when [prisoners with HIV] were totally isolated, weren't even allowed to socialize with other prisoners and couldn't get any medication. I went to an office where they suspected one of the staff had HIV, and they were all on the verge of resigning because they thought they'd catch it off the doorknobs. People just had no idea at all, so I was glad to help.
What's this about your obsession with Hollywood penis sizes? That wasn't my obsession, it was everyone else's! I went to see Liam Neeson in "The Crucible", and I thought it was an amazing show, and he's a fantastic actor, but all through the show all everyone was talking about was, "I heard he has a gigantic dick." You don't get that with female actors. You don't hear people saying "I hear Meryl Streep has really interesting pubic hair."
